It's been a long time since I've written, I know. I'm not sure why. I'm not sure of anything at all yet to be honest. I'm still feeling de-motivated and probably somewhat depressed. I think often of Lisa of course, but I must still be mostly numb. I haven't cried in a long time (until now). I wonder if I've mourned enough and yet I know that I'll never know what is enough. Parents in my group at Fernside are in my same state (or something very similar) after a year and a half has passed since their loss. And someone even said that the second year can be worse. I don't want to be here that long from now. I haven't enjoyed anything I've done in the past six months. I still spend the majority of my time in bed when my kids are not at home, but when they are here, we spend that time together, sometimes going out to run errands, sometimes watching movies and a lot of time doing homework with Jayson. I feel guilty that I'm not getting much done around the house, but it's really pretty clean. We're all staying well fed (I wonder if Jayson isn't gaining too much weight) and we're well groomed, and the kids seem happy at many times throughout the day. I even washed and folded a bunch of laundry the week before last. Right now, the lawn could definitely be mowed though... maybe tomorrow.
We spent all of last week in Myrtle Beach, SC. We stayed at a very nice resort in a two bedroom condo. All five of us flew down there a little over two years ago and we bought this vacation at that time, so we didn't have to pay anything for the room (or breakfast) for the whole week. I drove the whole way this time because it was just me and the kids. On the way there we stopped about an hour out of MB on Friday night and finished the drive on Saturday, but on the way back, we drove the whole way without stopping overnight. The kids did great on the drives, and it turned out easier for me too than I had originally thought. While there, we mostly visited the same places we visited the first time through because to be honest, there wasn't anything new there that we wanted to do, and at the same time, there was nothing there that we hadn't done on the last visit either. The kids wanted to swim in the indoor pool just about the whole time, and other than the beach a number of times, we went to Brookgreen Gardens (a sculpture garden with a mini zoo) and Ripley's Aquarium. We went to Huntington Beach State Park, Georgetown, and Garden City Beach also, and were able to play 18 holes of mini-golf too. My favorite part was when we decided to fly kites on the beach. While we were there, we went into a few stores and saw hermit crabs for sale. The kids wanted one from the very first time they saw them, but we looked around and found them cheap at one store for $1 each. We ended up buying and bringing home seven new hermit crabs! Dad bought one for himself and the kids each bought two for themselves. Overall, it was a good vacation, we had a bunch of chances to be a family together and talk about stuff that we needed to talk about.
As soon as we got back from MB, I went back to work. Monday was a day of training for the upcoming First Communion and Prom photography season. I thought it would be more uncomfortable than it was because I knew the trainers were people that I had given the same training to for three or four years before. But telling myself that I didn't want or need to be the one doing all of the prep, and knowing that I wouldn't have to be the one holding people accountable anymore was a big help.
I guess things are turning out OK overall, but there is still too much sadness in the house and I'm confused about why the kids do not show any significant difference over the span of the past six months. I might be expecting too much, but unless I bring up Lisa in conversation it seems like she would not be mentioned at all. Keep the four of us in your thoughts and prayers, we still need it!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
I received this today from one of my absolute favorite cousins. I believe that this does actually happen before each of us are born! Thanks CS!
If before you were born, I could have gone to Heaven and saw all the beautiful souls, I still would have chosen you.
If God had told me, "this soul will one day need extra care and needs", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me, "that one day this soul may make my heart bleed", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me, "this soul would make me question the depth of my faith", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me, "this soul would make tears flow from my eyes that would overflow a river", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me, "our time spent together here on earth could be short", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me, "this soul may one day make me witness overbearing suffering", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me, "all that you know to be normal would drastically change", I still would have chosen you...
Of course, even though I would have chosen you, I know it was God who chose me for you...
Author Unknown
If God had told me, "this soul will one day need extra care and needs", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me, "that one day this soul may make my heart bleed", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me, "this soul would make me question the depth of my faith", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me, "this soul would make tears flow from my eyes that would overflow a river", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me, "our time spent together here on earth could be short", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me, "this soul may one day make me witness overbearing suffering", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me, "all that you know to be normal would drastically change", I still would have chosen you...
Of course, even though I would have chosen you, I know it was God who chose me for you...
Author Unknown
Busy? Maybe...
I know... it's been a while since the last post. I've been busy...? Can I use that for an excuse? Not really.
I hosted a party at the house on Wednesday for Jayson's birthday. Lisa's mom, dad and sister were there and we had pizza and fried chicken with a few sides. Lisa's sister brought just about everything (THANKS A TON) and also her two foster twins too! Her twins are the same age as mine and they get along famously! So well, that none of the four wanted to split up at the end of the night. We're thinking a sleepover during one of the upcoming weekends would be a good idea!
Jayson had a really great birthday, at least that's what he told everyone. It was hard for me to get any gift ideas from him, even after visiting two toy stores. We figured some things out and then just the day before his birthday (two days after I finished shopping) he comes up with three or four new ideas for things he'd like to have. Lucky for me, I had already gotten him a couple of those items! I was proud of myself to say the least!
On Sunday Jayson "crossed over" from cub scouts to boy scouts and received his Arrow of Light Award. It was a nice ceremony with a banquet and lots of other awards given out. Jayson was able to carry the American Flag in the beginning of the ceremony and did an excellent job; if I can say so myself. He sat with a friend for a little while, but made his way back to our table after not too long. I was glad to have him back at our table with us. He's an excellent boy, and I'm sure he'll become an even better man.
During the banquet Lisa was mentioned because she had been a den leader's assistant for a couple of years. The Pack Leader had many nice words to say about her and the pack donated a large amount of money to the childrens' education fund too. It was an emotional moment for me and I noticed, for a few other adults around the room. Jayson was right on top of things as usual and made sure that he asked me more than once if I was doing OK!
Already today was his first Troop meeting (no longer called a pack) and Jayson was assigned to his Patrol (no longer called a den). His patrol is called the Dynamite Patrol, and considering that the other two patrols were named Penguin and Duct Tape, we were glad he got that assignment over the others. There will be an outing next weekend already which will include two over-nights near the Royal Gorge (is that spelled right?). Jayson was excited to hear about it since it will include climbing instruction and he committed to go even though he knew I wouldn't be there and also before he was sure that his best friend from the Troop was going. I was proud of him because I thought for sure he wouldn't be willing to go unless at least one of us was there. So already, we're pretty well dug into scouts again for what seems like a couple of years.
Maya recently brought home a flier for a flag football team that she wants to cheer for, but it was not with an Upward team. Since Upward was so great to us last year, I told her that I'm going to find out if they will have a team that she can join instead. She has continued to be very angry at certain times around the house. Last week, she even displayed her fury in front of one of her friends. I told her that I was thinking of sending her to a doctor so that she can talk it out and she responded with an outraged, "Go right ahead, see if I care". So I did... The next morning I made a call to the doctor that worked with Jayson for his ADD and Verbal Processing Delay. She is a super nice woman and worked great with him so I am hoping they will get along with each other and Dr. P will be able to help Maya and I through this stage. Of course when Maya found out about the doctor, she went into another one of her fits of fury!
Taysha seems to be continuing on her path of making life for all of us fun! She always throws in little quips here and there that take everyone by surprise and leave them laughing. She then pretends that it was all an innocent joke and curls her hands in front of her mouth like a bunny rabbit feigning embarrassment. She is enjoying her time playing now and then with Jayson and also now and then with Maya. She's a great friend and sister to both of them and knows better than I about how to stay out of their disagreements.
As for me, I e-mailed my boss at Lifetouch and told her of my interest in returning to work. I had heard through the grape vine that she wasn't sure that I would ever come back, so it may be a surprise to her. I'm not wanting to jump back in full time right away, but will take it a little slower instead. She will not have full time hours available for me at this time of year anyway. I feel like I need to regain all of the confidence I one had in myself at work. I'm not even sure of where it all went.
Wish me luck...
I hosted a party at the house on Wednesday for Jayson's birthday. Lisa's mom, dad and sister were there and we had pizza and fried chicken with a few sides. Lisa's sister brought just about everything (THANKS A TON) and also her two foster twins too! Her twins are the same age as mine and they get along famously! So well, that none of the four wanted to split up at the end of the night. We're thinking a sleepover during one of the upcoming weekends would be a good idea!
Jayson had a really great birthday, at least that's what he told everyone. It was hard for me to get any gift ideas from him, even after visiting two toy stores. We figured some things out and then just the day before his birthday (two days after I finished shopping) he comes up with three or four new ideas for things he'd like to have. Lucky for me, I had already gotten him a couple of those items! I was proud of myself to say the least!
On Sunday Jayson "crossed over" from cub scouts to boy scouts and received his Arrow of Light Award. It was a nice ceremony with a banquet and lots of other awards given out. Jayson was able to carry the American Flag in the beginning of the ceremony and did an excellent job; if I can say so myself. He sat with a friend for a little while, but made his way back to our table after not too long. I was glad to have him back at our table with us. He's an excellent boy, and I'm sure he'll become an even better man.
During the banquet Lisa was mentioned because she had been a den leader's assistant for a couple of years. The Pack Leader had many nice words to say about her and the pack donated a large amount of money to the childrens' education fund too. It was an emotional moment for me and I noticed, for a few other adults around the room. Jayson was right on top of things as usual and made sure that he asked me more than once if I was doing OK!
Already today was his first Troop meeting (no longer called a pack) and Jayson was assigned to his Patrol (no longer called a den). His patrol is called the Dynamite Patrol, and considering that the other two patrols were named Penguin and Duct Tape, we were glad he got that assignment over the others. There will be an outing next weekend already which will include two over-nights near the Royal Gorge (is that spelled right?). Jayson was excited to hear about it since it will include climbing instruction and he committed to go even though he knew I wouldn't be there and also before he was sure that his best friend from the Troop was going. I was proud of him because I thought for sure he wouldn't be willing to go unless at least one of us was there. So already, we're pretty well dug into scouts again for what seems like a couple of years.
Maya recently brought home a flier for a flag football team that she wants to cheer for, but it was not with an Upward team. Since Upward was so great to us last year, I told her that I'm going to find out if they will have a team that she can join instead. She has continued to be very angry at certain times around the house. Last week, she even displayed her fury in front of one of her friends. I told her that I was thinking of sending her to a doctor so that she can talk it out and she responded with an outraged, "Go right ahead, see if I care". So I did... The next morning I made a call to the doctor that worked with Jayson for his ADD and Verbal Processing Delay. She is a super nice woman and worked great with him so I am hoping they will get along with each other and Dr. P will be able to help Maya and I through this stage. Of course when Maya found out about the doctor, she went into another one of her fits of fury!
Taysha seems to be continuing on her path of making life for all of us fun! She always throws in little quips here and there that take everyone by surprise and leave them laughing. She then pretends that it was all an innocent joke and curls her hands in front of her mouth like a bunny rabbit feigning embarrassment. She is enjoying her time playing now and then with Jayson and also now and then with Maya. She's a great friend and sister to both of them and knows better than I about how to stay out of their disagreements.
As for me, I e-mailed my boss at Lifetouch and told her of my interest in returning to work. I had heard through the grape vine that she wasn't sure that I would ever come back, so it may be a surprise to her. I'm not wanting to jump back in full time right away, but will take it a little slower instead. She will not have full time hours available for me at this time of year anyway. I feel like I need to regain all of the confidence I one had in myself at work. I'm not even sure of where it all went.
Wish me luck...
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
A Fernside Day Today
It's been three weeks since I began my leave from work. I do feel a bunch better about things, as far as organization at home, and I'm even beginning to have a few more gray days than dark days. It's been easier to get off of the couch and do things around the house too.
We went to Fernside today, and it really was good. I was beginning to wonder when it was going to begin doing some good for me. The kids absolutely love it, but until today, I haven't been feeling as if it was much of a help for me personally. Today we brought more adults into our group of parents grieving the loss of their spouses. Our number is up to about 12 adults which seemed to be a better number (at least for me). Only three of us are men. There was more conversation where I could find some common ground with the others. One of the adults had lost their spouse only three weeks ago! I was amazed that they had come to Fernside so soon after...
The first, second and third grade group put on a puppet show. Taysha and Maya each got to perform for the group. Taysha's puppet was a monkey and Maya's was a Parrot. The story was about how different people handle a loss in different ways. There were six or seven different kinds of creatures that were all friends, and unfortunately, the elephant that protected all of them suddenly died. Each animal (puppet character) grieved the loss in different ways. One had a lot of questions they wanted to ask, another tried to go out and have fun so that they could forget about the loss, a third just wanted to be alone, and yet another was feeling guilty about the loss, as if it were possibly their fault. The kids did a really good job. I was able to take the opportunity with the kids on the way home to ask them about which character they thought they might have been since... Jayson said that he thought he was like the monkey and I asked why. I asked him how the monkey handled it's grief and he confessed that he really couldn't remember. I asked them all if they maybe felt guilty about mommy's death and all three said no. I asked if they felt like they just wanted to have fun so that they could forget about mom's death and both Taysha and Jayson said that they did want to just have fun and forget. I know that Taysha was absolutely right about her observation. It seemed like immediately after Lisa's death that Taysha started to joke around and tickle us much more often. It was as if she was in a shell before and that the shell was opened as soon as Lisa died. Until today I was really confused about her reaction, because I hadn't realized that the fun, teasing was helping her to get the death off of her mind. I could only figure that Lisa had maybe somehow kept Taysha from freeing herself to have fun, but I also knew for sure that this could not have been possible. Lisa was one of the best mothers, moms and mommies that I have ever known.
As far as how I think Jayson has reacted to Lisa's death, I constantly see that Jayson just wants to protect me from grieving. Every time I sniffle, or any time that there is an emotional situation, Jayson is right there to ask me if I'm alright. I'm still not sure if he is trying to protect me from my grief, or if he is protecting himself from losing me too. I asked all three of them tonight if they ever felt afraid that I might die too and all three were very quick to discount that, so Jayson may not recognize what he's doing, or he maybe just doesn't want me to cry.
Maya is a tough nut to figure out. I really think she is mad; upset that she doesn't have her mom any more. As I've mentioned before, she has been arguing much more often with Jayson, and has really been giving me the "Maya-tude". On many occasions she has talked back (sometimes yelled back) at me when I ask her to help around the house, or to clean her room. She reacts more emotionally to many situations than she needs to, but there has always been some of that in her (Maya-tude started long before Lisa died), and tears come more often and more quickly. Many times when we begin a conversation about her mother, Maya will say that she doesn't want to talk about it. She will hold her ears pretending that she is not listening and will never add to the conversation. This obviously makes it difficult for me to figure out what she's thinking. I can only hope that Fernside is helping her to get some of the confusion out.
We went to Fernside today, and it really was good. I was beginning to wonder when it was going to begin doing some good for me. The kids absolutely love it, but until today, I haven't been feeling as if it was much of a help for me personally. Today we brought more adults into our group of parents grieving the loss of their spouses. Our number is up to about 12 adults which seemed to be a better number (at least for me). Only three of us are men. There was more conversation where I could find some common ground with the others. One of the adults had lost their spouse only three weeks ago! I was amazed that they had come to Fernside so soon after...
The first, second and third grade group put on a puppet show. Taysha and Maya each got to perform for the group. Taysha's puppet was a monkey and Maya's was a Parrot. The story was about how different people handle a loss in different ways. There were six or seven different kinds of creatures that were all friends, and unfortunately, the elephant that protected all of them suddenly died. Each animal (puppet character) grieved the loss in different ways. One had a lot of questions they wanted to ask, another tried to go out and have fun so that they could forget about the loss, a third just wanted to be alone, and yet another was feeling guilty about the loss, as if it were possibly their fault. The kids did a really good job. I was able to take the opportunity with the kids on the way home to ask them about which character they thought they might have been since... Jayson said that he thought he was like the monkey and I asked why. I asked him how the monkey handled it's grief and he confessed that he really couldn't remember. I asked them all if they maybe felt guilty about mommy's death and all three said no. I asked if they felt like they just wanted to have fun so that they could forget about mom's death and both Taysha and Jayson said that they did want to just have fun and forget. I know that Taysha was absolutely right about her observation. It seemed like immediately after Lisa's death that Taysha started to joke around and tickle us much more often. It was as if she was in a shell before and that the shell was opened as soon as Lisa died. Until today I was really confused about her reaction, because I hadn't realized that the fun, teasing was helping her to get the death off of her mind. I could only figure that Lisa had maybe somehow kept Taysha from freeing herself to have fun, but I also knew for sure that this could not have been possible. Lisa was one of the best mothers, moms and mommies that I have ever known.
As far as how I think Jayson has reacted to Lisa's death, I constantly see that Jayson just wants to protect me from grieving. Every time I sniffle, or any time that there is an emotional situation, Jayson is right there to ask me if I'm alright. I'm still not sure if he is trying to protect me from my grief, or if he is protecting himself from losing me too. I asked all three of them tonight if they ever felt afraid that I might die too and all three were very quick to discount that, so Jayson may not recognize what he's doing, or he maybe just doesn't want me to cry.
Maya is a tough nut to figure out. I really think she is mad; upset that she doesn't have her mom any more. As I've mentioned before, she has been arguing much more often with Jayson, and has really been giving me the "Maya-tude". On many occasions she has talked back (sometimes yelled back) at me when I ask her to help around the house, or to clean her room. She reacts more emotionally to many situations than she needs to, but there has always been some of that in her (Maya-tude started long before Lisa died), and tears come more often and more quickly. Many times when we begin a conversation about her mother, Maya will say that she doesn't want to talk about it. She will hold her ears pretending that she is not listening and will never add to the conversation. This obviously makes it difficult for me to figure out what she's thinking. I can only hope that Fernside is helping her to get some of the confusion out.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Recent Thoughts
I went grocery shopping today, and I'm pretty proud of the fact that I saved $130.00 on $203.00 worth of purchases. This is not the first time shopping since Lisa's death, but the first time that I used coupons! Always before, I thought that the coupons were going to be too much trouble to keep track of and that it just wasn't going to be worth the hassle. Live and learn... The thing that got me to use coupons was a booklet that Kroger sent out that had a bunch of coupons that I thought I could use, also they sent an envelope full of coupons that I knew I would definitely use. The envelope was obviously custom printed for my recent shopping habits. Thanks Kroger, great idea, it worked for me!
The kids had a three day week last week, due to snow, and this week they've had Monday and Tuesday off too. I'm not sure if they'll go back to school tomorrow because of the snow again, but I'm hoping that they will! I have enjoyed the time that we've had together, but, well... I'm sure you stay at home moms and dads know what I'm thinking. I have things on my To Do list that aren't getting done and I'd like some time to do them; without kids.
We still mention Lisa daily and the kids seem to be very much the same as they've been since... They seem mostly unaffected even through Thanksgiving, Christmas and Lisa's Birthday without her. Jayson's birthday is coming up on March the 3rd and I'm anxious to see how that goes too. I'm constantly wondering if they are going through what they need in their individual grief process because there has been no real obvious or significant sign that they've been affected by this huge change in their lives.
The kids had a three day week last week, due to snow, and this week they've had Monday and Tuesday off too. I'm not sure if they'll go back to school tomorrow because of the snow again, but I'm hoping that they will! I have enjoyed the time that we've had together, but, well... I'm sure you stay at home moms and dads know what I'm thinking. I have things on my To Do list that aren't getting done and I'd like some time to do them; without kids.
We still mention Lisa daily and the kids seem to be very much the same as they've been since... They seem mostly unaffected even through Thanksgiving, Christmas and Lisa's Birthday without her. Jayson's birthday is coming up on March the 3rd and I'm anxious to see how that goes too. I'm constantly wondering if they are going through what they need in their individual grief process because there has been no real obvious or significant sign that they've been affected by this huge change in their lives.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Leave, Conference, Playroom
So far... So good...
My leave is progressing well so far. I've gotten a few things done. More importantly, the kids seem to be acting better. Jayson and Maya were having quite a lot of arguments throughout each day and those have actually seemed to dissipate somewhat. They were really trying to make each others' lives difficult, just picking on each other and always disagreeing with what the other had to say. Lucky me; I was given the opportunity on quite a few occasions over the past couple of weeks to practice my disciplinary skills. Since this was not something that I did very often while Lisa was alive, I've had very little practice, but I think Lisa schooled me well on this "raising kids" thing and I might actually have it somewhat figured out! Wishful thinking...
My sister and I went to a parent/teacher conference for Jayson last Thursday and we heard from one teacher that Jayson had shown a new side of himself this past week. She said that he was waving at her in the hallways, saying "hi" and smiling a lot more often than he has in a while. She said she only had just begun to see this manifest itself in the past week. She didn't have any idea up until that time that I had begun my leave earlier that same week. I'm pretty sure this is another positive result of my decision to take time away from work.
I've gotten a ton of help over the past three weeks in putting together an area in the basement for the kids to play. My sisters and parents have done a bunch to clean and organize everything in the basement, sort the toys upstairs into bins to bring downstairs, put up new shelves to store the bins on, and lay carpet on the floor so that they can play without it feeling cold. We're not done yet! We've completed the girls' room, but Jayson's is yet to be started. All three kids really seem to love it! Lisa and I did this years ago, but it got away from us pretty soon after. This time I'm determined to keep on each of them and especially their friends to keep it clean! It will really be nice to have all of the toys out of the kid's rooms and downstairs so that the rooms stay straightened! I recommend to everyone that they get all of the toys out of the bedrooms and into a single, unseen location in the house, it has made a big difference here already!
Until next time, take care of yourself and each other...
J
My leave is progressing well so far. I've gotten a few things done. More importantly, the kids seem to be acting better. Jayson and Maya were having quite a lot of arguments throughout each day and those have actually seemed to dissipate somewhat. They were really trying to make each others' lives difficult, just picking on each other and always disagreeing with what the other had to say. Lucky me; I was given the opportunity on quite a few occasions over the past couple of weeks to practice my disciplinary skills. Since this was not something that I did very often while Lisa was alive, I've had very little practice, but I think Lisa schooled me well on this "raising kids" thing and I might actually have it somewhat figured out! Wishful thinking...
My sister and I went to a parent/teacher conference for Jayson last Thursday and we heard from one teacher that Jayson had shown a new side of himself this past week. She said that he was waving at her in the hallways, saying "hi" and smiling a lot more often than he has in a while. She said she only had just begun to see this manifest itself in the past week. She didn't have any idea up until that time that I had begun my leave earlier that same week. I'm pretty sure this is another positive result of my decision to take time away from work.
I've gotten a ton of help over the past three weeks in putting together an area in the basement for the kids to play. My sisters and parents have done a bunch to clean and organize everything in the basement, sort the toys upstairs into bins to bring downstairs, put up new shelves to store the bins on, and lay carpet on the floor so that they can play without it feeling cold. We're not done yet! We've completed the girls' room, but Jayson's is yet to be started. All three kids really seem to love it! Lisa and I did this years ago, but it got away from us pretty soon after. This time I'm determined to keep on each of them and especially their friends to keep it clean! It will really be nice to have all of the toys out of the kid's rooms and downstairs so that the rooms stay straightened! I recommend to everyone that they get all of the toys out of the bedrooms and into a single, unseen location in the house, it has made a big difference here already!
Until next time, take care of yourself and each other...
J
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Leave Of Absence
A week ago today, I met with my boss and decided that I would take a leave of absence from work and I also decided to step down from my management position at Lifetouch. I'm going back to an hourly wage, which will include taking reduced hours at some times of the year and potential lay-offs at other times too. I made the decision because I felt that I needed to "focus" more of my time on the kids, and less of it at work; away from the kids. I want to take the time to figure out how I'm going to structure my days so that I can maximize the benefit I can get out of each day and begin to depend less on the outside help that I'm receiving from family.
The last three weeks have become more difficult than any since Lisa's death. Everything has seemed to come crashing down on me and every task has become more difficult to complete (and sometimes nearly impossible to start). I recently added to the medicine that I have been taking since my depression started 7 or 8 years ago, but it doesn't seem to have made a difference yet. The medication that we added is supposed to give me a little more motivation and help to sharpen my thinking processes at the same time. I'm really hoping that it will kick in soon!
This Sunday and for the two following Sundays I will be photographing the members of my church for an electronic database that allows for the photographs to be included with the members' information. I'm really looking forward to meeting more members of the church by volunteering in this way. Everyone at New Thought Unity has been spectacular so I'm excited that I can do something to give back. After 20 years of photographing portraits I'm confident that I'll do just fine, but for some reason I still feel a little nervous inside.
It's late so I'm going to sign off and go to bed, I'm sorry if this post hasn't been too exciting.
Take care of yourself and others!
J
The last three weeks have become more difficult than any since Lisa's death. Everything has seemed to come crashing down on me and every task has become more difficult to complete (and sometimes nearly impossible to start). I recently added to the medicine that I have been taking since my depression started 7 or 8 years ago, but it doesn't seem to have made a difference yet. The medication that we added is supposed to give me a little more motivation and help to sharpen my thinking processes at the same time. I'm really hoping that it will kick in soon!
This Sunday and for the two following Sundays I will be photographing the members of my church for an electronic database that allows for the photographs to be included with the members' information. I'm really looking forward to meeting more members of the church by volunteering in this way. Everyone at New Thought Unity has been spectacular so I'm excited that I can do something to give back. After 20 years of photographing portraits I'm confident that I'll do just fine, but for some reason I still feel a little nervous inside.
It's late so I'm going to sign off and go to bed, I'm sorry if this post hasn't been too exciting.
Take care of yourself and others!
J
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