How do you feel, Brune?

So, not too long ago a great friend asked me, "How do you feel?" After someone you love dies, most everyone asks "How are you doing", "Are you OK". No one had asked me up until then how I felt!

So she (my friend) asks me on Facebook how I feel. I go into this long 3, then 4, then 5 paragraph long mini-novel about how I feel. I'm typing through my tears the whole time, and then I start to think that this is too much (and a little too private) for Facebook. So I copy everything and paste it into an e-mail and send it to her. I think I wrote something like "if you really want to know how I feel, read this, if not that's cool because writing everything I wrote was like therapy for me." It really was!

I didn't expect there to be such a huge difference between the two statements, but there really was! It surprised me that I was so willing to let it all out when asked how I feel instead of how I was doing. "Doing?" has always prompted the cliche' answers of ,"fine", "OK... considering", and "I'm alright I guess". But "Feeling" was so much different! At least it was for me.

So, how am I feeling? I'm feeling sad, lonely, cheated, empty, pissed off!, overwhelmed, exhausted, demotivated, detached, confused, scared, regretful, lost, envious, hopeless, helpless, incomplete, apathetic, resentful, lovesick... you name it, I've been there!

So... How are you feeling?

Grateful!

If there is one thing that defines the Brune family this season, it is Grateful! It's a strange place to be after losing Lisa, our wife and mother, but if there is something positive to take away from all of this pain, it is the recognition that we are much more loved than we ever recognized before October 17th.

Do you know that place in our hearts that stores the love we give and the love we receive from others? That's the place in my family's hearts that felt a whole lot more empty for a little while after the 17th. But we found out that it could be refilled with the love we received from all of you! So many expressions of love have been given to us in the past few weeks that we were overwhelmed! Hugs, gifts of food, candy, memory bears made from Lisa's clothing, books custom made with Lisa's photos, recordings and videos with Lisa's voice, watching the kids while I worked, donations to the kids' education fund, lunches out to laugh and talk, and more hugs, loooong, strong hugs, thank you for all of your wonderful expressions of love! Thank you for being in our lives and for letting us be a part of your life! You honor us with that gift! We cannot thank each of you enough!

I pray that in this coming new year and for the rest of your life, that God richly blesses each of you with all of the joy, love and zest for life that he/she is and that each of you are as well! I sincerely hope that we stay connected!

Starting Over

And it begins... The second life, a new beginning. Today is the first day of the rest of my life! Starting over...

Today I am a widower with three young children. Yesterday was pre-October 17th, 5:30am. Yesterday I was married to my soul-mate, a bright, beautiful, young, energetic woman name Lisa.
Yesterday I was married to the perfect mother to my three perfect children.
Yesterday we were five,
Today we are:
Five Minus One