So, not too long ago a great friend asked me, "How do you feel?" After someone you love dies, most everyone asks "How are you doing", "Are you OK". No one had asked me up until then how I felt!
So she (my friend) asks me on Facebook how I feel. I go into this long 3, then 4, then 5 paragraph long mini-novel about how I feel. I'm typing through my tears the whole time, and then I start to think that this is too much (and a little too private) for Facebook. So I copy everything and paste it into an e-mail and send it to her. I think I wrote something like "if you really want to know how I feel, read this, if not that's cool because writing everything I wrote was like therapy for me." It really was!
I didn't expect there to be such a huge difference between the two statements, but there really was! It surprised me that I was so willing to let it all out when asked how I feel instead of how I was doing. "Doing?" has always prompted the cliche' answers of ,"fine", "OK... considering", and "I'm alright I guess". But "Feeling" was so much different! At least it was for me.
So, how am I feeling? I'm feeling sad, lonely, cheated, empty, pissed off!, overwhelmed, exhausted, demotivated, detached, confused, scared, regretful, lost, envious, hopeless, helpless, incomplete, apathetic, resentful, lovesick... you name it, I've been there!
So... How are you feeling?
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I'm having a down moment this morning before heading off to the office to see clients. I'm in the business of feelings as I make my living currently as a psychotherapist. I feel a little "psycho" today after having spent over an hour getting my 10 yo "foster" son out the door to school. I'm angry, ashamed and frustrated and don't always know how to stay calm when I'm being tested and he is being oppositional and defiant. I was somehow drawn to your blog today and feel compassion and empathy. I am inspired and touched by your honesty and depth of feeling. Thanks.
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